20/02/2024
"When fear knocks, let faith answer the door."
Post mastectomy update (long post and yes I cried while typing this)
"You have cancer" something anyone would not want to hear, ever.
In Sept 2023, I received the diagnosis and it was not the end but the start of a journey. Breast cancer, so many ladies including family I know who have been diagnosed in the past. Been to my fair share of fundraisers to create awareness. When it happens to you, it hits home differently.
Today is 3 weeks post masectomy and it's been overwhelming, dealing with pain, remarks and an emotional roller-coaster. People wanting to enforce their opinion around treatment and choices. At same time learning to ask & receive help from family and friends, trusting in God’s promises and extending grace to myself. Trusting God to provide around hospital bills and other needs. Complete surrender. Absolute complete surrender.
Appreciating the love, prayers, flowers, grocery and meal drop offs. My heart is full and appreciate each gesture.
Something I hear often is people saying that I am strong, the morning pre-op I didn't feel very strong or brave. Blood pressure readings were high and tears rolled. Knowing I was regarded as high risk did not help. My Dec hospital stay the centre of doctors discussions. I prayed and said Lord Jesus my life is in Your hands. My faith helped me overcome the fear. The reality of it all is like a blow to the stomach.
Yes, I know all the scriptures. Yes, I am praying. Yes, the praise and worship is playing. I know my identity in Christ or as a woman is not defined by my breasts. Yet, nothing prepares a woman post op, seeing one side of your chest flat under the hospital gown. The pain radiating under my arm from lymph nodes that were also removed making me dizzy. Washing myself and seeing this big scar across my chest till under my arm. Laying awake when pain meds only takes the edge off. Talking to God at 2am.
The emotional process is real and shouldn't be diminished with remarks like 'it was caught early, is the cancer gone now?' 'pull yourself together, it was not a big op'. 'At least you didn't need chemo beforehand' or suggesting that I took the easy route is not encouraging at all. The meds I am on, causes side effects. My coffee and some food tasting metallic. The dizzy spells and nausea not fun at all.
The physical pain is real. I regard myself as being able to handle pain. On a scale of 1-10, this was an 8 and its not only the intensity but the duration. Nerve pain in the healing process needs to be mentioned to, sharp stabbing pain.
The emotional processing a challenge. Mentally staying positive and not letting negative remarks or meds cause dips. Without Christ I do not know how I would have managed so far.
Theo, Tanika and Taegan my strict nurses/prison wardens have been amazing. Limiting visits and giving me the love, support and snacks I need. My extended family, tribe of friends and church family : I love and appreciate you all. God bless!
